Balancing act

Tip of the scales, 

Breaking of balance, 

The slightest anomaly,

Causing the biggest difference,

Living in extremes,  

No middle ground to be had,

Neither happy nor sad, 

More so manic and mad, 

Poster child for crazy, 

A candidate for insanity,

No matter the method, 

The result remains the same ,

Too much of one thing, 

Or too much of a another, 

Hyperactive yet depressed,

An inappropriate mess,

The dark side of humanity that society doesn't want to see, 

That fuck is just a word, 

And perception is circumstantial,

And at the end of the day, I'm just being me,

Why is it appropriate to say one thing but not another?

At the end of the day, does anyone even know the answer? 

Those little shadows don't go away because you won't look,

They stay and they wait for a chance to be understood. 

If we cannot talk about things that really matter, 

And the structure of conversation is to be about the weather,

Then what is the purpose of the capability to think, 

To have the thirst but refuse to take a drink,

In a world full of sheep, strive to be the shepherd,

Silence is a choice, and oppression is a factor,

So am I wrong just because you think you are right? 

Are my opinions not valid because they don't match others?

Are my struggles pointless because they were in more than one chapter?

If you believe I am wrong because you think you are right, then your argument is invalid and better left for those more balanced. 

Battling demons

What good is a heart that can not feel?

What if I am broken and will never heal?

A chronic illness, a sickness, a pain,

Whatever they call it, the answer remains the same.

A cure that doesn’t exist,

No quick and easy fix,

A lifetime battling demons only I can see,

Can you now understand why I want to flee?

Or how desperately my mind wants to give up,

After years of being empty, I have had enough.

There is a darkness in my heart that cannot be killed, 

A lifetime of breakdowns and prescriptions to be filled,

A genetic disease, how could I pass the monster on?

Yet I have no choice, it will never be gone,

Remission is possible but not guaranteed,

I must live my life on a ‘hopefully’.

Criminal

Some crimes can not be forgiven, 

You took away my childhood so you wouldn't have to care for your children,

You spewed your venomous words about me,

You broadcasted them to anyone who would listen, 

You told my little sister that I wasn't worth it, 

You told my mother I'd be fine because I deserved it,

You made me feel like I had lost my mind,

Because I was the only one aware of the crime,

Even if in some part of me I can find,

A reason to forgive you,

For telling my young self that I was worth nothing,

You didn't make me sick, but you took my will to live, 

You are a criminal because you left me to die,

Justice will be served, you owe me eight years in misery and suffering,

You deserve to lose everything,

Yet you will lose nothing,

I can promise you that if you didn't share DNA,

With the souls that made me who I am today,

Then I would sign your death warrant right away,

So while you sit there and moan,

About how much it sucks to be alone,

All I can say is, you reap what you sow. 

The truth is a bitter pill

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Harsh Reality

Do not be mistaken, 

These tears are not for you, 

I wouldn't cry for your dead rotten corpse,

These tears are for the rays of sunshine,

That exist in my life, 

For all the suffering they are doomed to, 

Simply because of you, 

They have no choice but to grow, 

And someday they will know, 

Their father is a deadbeat, through and through, 

He will never change, no matter how much he needs to,

These beautiful souls who light up my world, 

Will suffer a pain they never deserved, 

Because for all the shit that has come my way, 

I at least know, at the end of the day, 

That my father is good man, who wouldn't risk my life for a bottle of wine. 

The most dangerous spider

Sometimes the monsters are the ones you don't see, 

Even when you do people refuse to believe,

The social one, the joker, 

Everything is a game to the master of deceit, 

All their emotions are fake, a ruse to satisfy their selfish needs,

They smile and they laugh, 

The most dangerous spider that lures you into its web,

Once you are stuck they start to drain you,

Take everything you have, anything you value, 

They tear you apart and eat you alive,

All while maintaining a smile. 

The truth about you

You'll twist everything to suit your aim 

Lie and cheat, never played a fair game,

Snide little remarks, thinly veiled threats,

You're vile, toxic through and through, 

They deserve better, got fucked over with you, 

A poor excuse for a person, a vain, inconsiderate drunk, 

Yet a child's love cannot be challenged,

So I must stand back and let you hurt them,

Manipulate them and change them,

To suit your hearts desires, 

One day they'll learn, 

That you are a liar. 

Hopeful hopelessness

If I believed in a god, 

I'd pray for reprieve, 

I know it would do fuck-all, 

But at least I could believe, 

In an hopeful outcome from a hopeless scenario, 

That in this toxic household, 

Any will make it out complete, 

That the ones who claim to love you the most, are the ones fragmenting your soul, 

An addict is an addict is an addict, 

No matter what they preach, 

The thing that will always come first is their disease. 

Look Me In The Eye

Look me in the eye, 

You're telling a lie 

Rude and disrespectful, parents didn't raise you right 

They don't want to hear, 

About this consuming fear

The inner monologue

The desperate thoughts and reckless actions

The insane measures to regain your passions

Careless, reckless, anything to feel something 

Other than the disease that is eating you alive. 

Abundance Of Pain

You take and take 

All these fragments of my soul

You break and demolish 

Everything that I hold

You take my trust 

And you crumble it 

You ruin my mind and invade my thoughts

You continue to drive this dagger in 

Even when I am gone.